First breakup of an 18-year old.
I had to go back 40 years in time to feel what Alex, my friend’s 18yr old son is going through.
It was late at night, very late when the notification arrived, he told me. It was a ‘break-up’ delivery, Alex told me.
Who breaks up with their partner via text messages or WhatsApp? That’s how it’s done today, I have been told (shrugging..).
Really? By text?
How was it 40 years ago, I pondered.
I had my share of breakups, but it certainly wasn’t by text. Come to think of it, how did partners break up in those days?
In those days, letters were written to register the breakup, while others boldly say it live. I very much doubt if the emotions hurt differently. 40yrs or longer, a breakup is a breakup.
Is there really a good, or bad way of emotionally saying “I don’t want to be your girlfriend or boyfriend anymore”? I don’t think so.
Only weeks ago, they couldn’t have, or see enough of each other. So, what happened?
Whilst Alex tried, and I mean, really tried to explain his side of the story, you could see through his brave demeanour that his emotions were letting him down. He may have tried so hard to camouflage it, but It was visible to a man of over half a century of experience. He was distraught. Not weepy. Not sure if that had taken place alone, in his room, under the duvet . Not sure. I didn’t bother ask. How would that help.
At this juncture, I thought of various ways to soothe the rawness of his broken heart! I know nothing I say to him at this point could mend his broken heart.
I knew not to jump in like a typical man to assure him that ‘all would be well’ and ‘good riddance’ and all that. Instead, I allowed him to tell his story, like a storyteller on the podium. Only this time, I was the only one in the audience. I stayed seated in the empty auditorium listening to his sad version of the story. I am mindful of the fact that there are always two sides to a story. But, again, it wasn’t the best time to be logical with him. It was his time to release, and I was glad he did.
I am thankful he chose me to confide in. To share his heart broken story. How many 18-year-olds do you know have the self esteem in these microwave generation to own up to their mess. Yes, Alex did tell me he knew he messed up at the beginning of the relationship. He didn’t offer details, but he meant it. He also owned up to the fact that they are young and that both of them needed time apart, especially as they are both en-route to Uni. He thought it was best. I concurred with his sentiments.
He still felt bad though at how she broke the news to him. He felt it appeared she had no feelings at all for him.
He didn’t believe she could use the same phone she used to stay up all night FaceTiming him with as a weapon of distraught. I think that really hurt Alex.
He really felt bad, and I felt bad on his behalf.
So, I listened and listened. He talked and talked. I listened more, before I told him he would heal. That the one and a half years he said they had been together wasn’t wasted because he now knows better, more matured.
This is life. We haven’t been promised we wouldn’t go through ups and downs. We all have been through breakups. I have, albeit each one is unique, and please don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Yes, the pain can be excruciating, but it heals overtime if you allow it. It’s an emotional side effect, especially where a fair amount of body, soul, time and money has been invested.
Alex would heal, like I did those many years ago. You also did.
What would you have told Alex if you were in my shoes? What would you tell your 19-year-old self about breakups?
Oooh, got me thinking about my first heartbreak...Diana Ross marrying Arne Naess in 1985? :-)
I'll tell him "Alex, Suck it up and be a man, she is replaceable. Just be the best you can, so that she'd see what she missed".........Just kidding..lol. I will likely not say anything. I'll just sit there listening and maybe asking questions about what he would do differently, if he had the opportunity?